"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

WW Wednesday

Walking into WW today I was not sure what my outcome would be.
I did a bit of stress-eating (ice cream may or may not have been eaten before noon on at least one occasion) and wasn't proud of my behavior.
Like I've said before, though, this is a journey (oh. my. goodness. I hate this word.) for me.
My skirt felt a little looser than normal, though, so I wasn't pessimistic.

I ended up with a loss at the scale.  Again, not a big one, but still a perfectly acceptable amount, especially considering some less-than-healthy food choices I made during the week.

Ok, to wrap this up quickly, lesson learned this week:  Um, I will get back to you on this one.  I'm rushing while BabyCakes is now fussing in her high chair.

Goal for the week:  Water, water, everywhere, but not a soda to drink!

Back to School Special

"I want to see the whole world.  I'm going to see everything," BigBoy said seriously, almost quietly, staring wide-eyed at the television.  The screen took the viewer flying over the ocean, limitless blue sky and sea ahead.
His father immediately turned to me and quietly remarked "Your Son."
For once this statement was not uttered in frustration or amusement, but instead conviction.
The moment froze for me and became an instant memory. It sent cosmic chills up my neck and down my arms.
My child shared my dream, and I realized I was not ready to give up on it yet.

Hi, my name is Cayce, and I'm a college dropout.

For years I bore the scarlet "F" for Failure.  Forgotten potential.  Foolish mistakes.

But life moved on.  I moved on.
With a loving husband and a group of supporters wrapped tightly around me like an old afghan on a cold morning, I moved on from those years.
I became okay, even happy with my station in life.
Let's face it, I can't count the number of ways I've been blessed.

But lately there's been this tugging, a nagging causing my spirit to grow restless.
I'm a grown woman with a husband, two children, a mortgage, 17 Transformers, and a hamster to care for.
Take out the first one, the big one, the husband -- and what you have left is me supporting a life I want to maintain.  A life my husband and I worked hard to get started.
Maybe it's getting close to thirty that makes me want to take full responsibility for myself.
Maybe I've just coasted too long.
But lately I've been acutely aware that my rock is really just a man.
What if something were to happen to him?  I love him too much to let all his hard work and dreams for our family go down the drain because I can't carry the baton should the need arise.  I love my children too much to let that happen.
I am a healthy, capable woman.  Why should my future be limited by own ill-conceived fears or misconceptions?
Hopefully J and I will enjoy bouncing great-grandchildren on our knees one day, but who are we to know what life holds?

Well, I do know this much:

Utility bills can't be paid with silly puns.

Gas isn't put in the car with thought-provoking quotes.

Access to excellent schools can't be maintained with excerpts from my weight-loss journey.

And I need to go back to school.

I'm not saying I will travel the globe because I'll attend a local university. And let's be honest, it will start as a local community college.

I won't be the next Samantha Brown or Anthony Bourdain, but I will travel my own path (hopefully with the hubs at my side for another 50 or 60 years) and not just be a tourist in life.

There's too much to see.  Too much to be.

I might have dropped out of college, but I never gave up on my dreams.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Sister, Sister

Yesterday BabyCakes had her 18-month well-check.
She's still a big, healthy girl.

The nurse even came back in to remeasure her length because she didn't think she was possibly as tall as she measured.

Well, she was.
Like I said, she's a big, healthy girl.
These days she alternates between hugging her brother and hitting him.

Sounds like a little sister to me.
(I should know, I have two!)

Monday, June 27, 2011

This pretty much sums up why I've been overweight.

I read a quote on a blog I follow that I had to share:

This resonates deeply with me.  Food choices, life choices, you name it.  I think we ALL struggle with this in some area of our lives.

There's something about seeing those words typed up and smirking at you that makes you feel like such a foolish child.  It really is that simple, isn't it?

Sunday, June 26, 2011

In a clutch, I could make it work.

As I mentioned before, I have a thing for clutches.
My usual bag is from the MaryPoppinsMom* line at Target.

I'm wearing a lot of white and aqua or navy on date nights and to church this summer, so I wanted a pretty clutch to match instead of my green stand-in.

I found this beaut (is that the abbreviation for "beauty"?  I'm not sure...) on etsy and decided to splurge on myself a little.  Knowing me I will use it for the next 20 years.  Besides, I think it's pretty timeless.

I love botanical prints and I've really tried to stick with my "only buy things you really love even if you don't know how they will interact with the rest of your belongings" philosophy.  Besides, I haven't bought any flowers for myself in a good while.

I don't know why I am showing my new purse to you. Maybe because J may be the only person who will see it besides me that I actually know and, let's face it, a new purse is far from the first thing he notices in his environment.
In the end it just feels good and weird to buy something just because I really love it and not because it could be re-purposed 14 other ways or cost $2.00.
I loved it. I had the space in my discretionary budget for it. I bought it for myself.

I didn't whine, whimper, or wish.
I acted.

So, do you like my new purse?!!!  :)

*The MaryPoppinsMom line at Target is fictional.  It's just my way of referring to the post-diaper bag, pre-normal-sized purse phase of motherhood that we moms-o'toddlers find ourselves in.  At any given point my bag contains 2 sippy cups (one fresh and one old found rolling around in the car), snacks, spare onesie, antibacterial hand gel, hair bows, and the materials needed for Jack Bauer to escape an eastern European prison.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Dad Life

With Father's Day still in our rear-view mirror, I thought I'd share this awesome video I shared last year.

Still too funny.

Dedicated to the awesome father of BigBoy and BabyCakes....

It Happens in 3's

In the last couple months (maybe less) we replaced our washing machine and outdoor fridge.  No, a full-size fridge in the garage is not a necessity, but we had grown really attached to it.

This morning we discovered the water heater had gone peacefully to that big landfill in the sky.

I knew I should have showered last night.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

WW Wednesday

Today's edition of WW Wednesday is going to be pretty boring.

Sorry, no big news or insightful revelations.

I coasted a bit this past week.  I didn't "track" and even indulged a bit.
I had a loss at the scale, but not a big one.  Another baby one.
(Here's a real baby, well toddler, to liven this joint up a bit.)

Neighbor Melissa (my WW buddy) hit it out of the park, though! 
She's doing SO well!

So, lesson learned this week:  If I only put in a tiny bit of effort, I'm only going to see tiny results.

Goal this week:  Do what I said I would do last week: cut out the diet sodas!  Also, track every day.

I told you this was going to be boring.  :)

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Letting go

At what point do you let go of a friend?

Let's say that you used to be very close to someone. 
Fast forward to the present.  Now months and months can go by without speaking to them. 
Perhaps you are the only one to call, email, or text. 
They always claim to miss you and be happy to hear from  you, but if they never reach out to YOU, are those sentiments really true?
Can they really mean it?

Yes, life is busy. 
But come on.  If you want to keep a plant alive you have to nurture it (or so I'm told), just like a relationship.  If only the tiniest amount.
People don't have to be your friend.  Shouldn't you appreciate them reaching out to you? 


So when do you let go? 
When do you say "We had a nice day in the sun," wish them well, and move on?

I have a hard time letting go, but the stronger I become as a person, the less I am willing to be hurt.

Maybe some balloons people are meant to be released.