"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."

Friday, January 3, 2014

I'm back. Yes, really it's true this time.

When I started this blaaahg back in early 2010, I was a new stay-at-home-mom of 2. 
I often felt isolated and worried.  Worried that I was doing the wrong thing in so many different areas.  
I was an insecure mother and an insecure woman.

But things changed.  I tried some new things and stayed firm on others. 
I did a lot of things that weren't comfortable.  
I made more friends-- more real friends.
I decided that I wasn't going to live my life being so scared all the time.  
Lots of big and little changes have brought me to where I am today. 

Now, this isn't my diary (although it is at times very personal) so I won't go on and on about those changes.  I just wanted to mention that as much growth as this baby has seen, I've seen in myself as a person.  (BARF, right?)

I don't know exactly what I'm going to do this year (beyond my usual duties), but here is what I want right now from a return to Just A Curl:

1. I want better focus. Facebook: you can be great fun and awesome to hang out with at times, but for a variety of reasons, "I'm just not that into you."   Everything with FB was quick and easy so blogging was feeling like a chore -- and I hate that.  It's like exercise: it feels like a pain as you get dressed and head out, but half way through your workout you feel great and are so glad you did it.  
Blogging helps me focus.  I get out my camera and take decent photos of the things that matter to me.  iPhone shots can be great, but I was relying too heavily on them.

2. I want to remember our stories better.  Or period!  I want to remember Katie when her desk contained no computers or homework or even pencils.  Crayons, stickers, coloring books, and paper are the tools of her 4-year-old trade.  

3. I want goals and expectations I SET FOR MYSELF to be right in front of my face.  Not in the back of my mind, not in a private journal I rarely look at, but in a semi-public place.  This is a place where my friends and family will know what is important to me.  The best way for me to teach my children that they can achieve goals is to show them how in practice, right?  They see the bad (excessive chocolate eating on my part over the holidays comes to mind), so why not let them see the good?  I don't want to settle.  I would rather have goals and dreams change than them languish and die.

4. I want to own up to the things I like and that are important to me.  I want the courage to make this blaaaahg more than just a baby brag book of sorts.  When asked, kids will never hesitate to tell you what their favorite things are.   Sometimes for me that means trying to help kids that are falling between the cracks, and others that is "Why can't I find a pair of tall gray boots that don't have that scrunched look?!?!" 
(A very big issue of mine this Fall! ;) Seriously, I looked everywhere. )

So in summary, I want to be a better focused, goal-oriented-yet-fun-loving me, always present in the life I will sometimes photograph and occasionally blaaaahg about.  (Remember, things you see and read, though true, are never really the whole story -- more like peeking through a keyhole.)

Hopefully y'all can get on board with that, because I love people and I love sharing my life with those great people.

But in the end, if you're "just not that into me," I'm sure there's someone on Facebook you can catch up with.  ;)


Stacy said...

Love the pictures!! You go girl- I know you can do it all!

Cayce said...

Thanks! jsut to be clear, this is Stacy H, right? I have like 5 Stacy's in my life!

Jana said...

I'm Here! I remembered to look! Glad you are back and feeling more YOU! Can't wait to see what you have in store. :-)

Kael Hyde said...

If you must separate from Facebook I support you but just don't think I am a creeper for saving your images to show Pa :P I like the blog though :)

Amber Lee said...

Can't believe how grown up K is. So happy your back to blogging. And AMEN on the boots. No luck here either.

Hendrick family of four said...

I'm glad your back! I haven't missed FB a bit and here I am checking out your blog.

elise said...

Lady! I fell out of the blogosphere and cannot believe how grown your curly girl is! I have been thinking of you and glad you are well!

Cayce said...

Thanks for looking me up, ladies! Kael, I can't thank you enough for showing Pa my pics! Elise, you are going to have to just get a sharpie out and start drawing on that print I sent you. How many kids do you have now? :)